I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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