someone threw a dead crab at me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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