You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
