weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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