i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
