I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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