dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
