And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
