My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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