In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
