I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
