HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
