if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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