we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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