I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
