I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
