right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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