I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
