isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She even gives head with a lisp.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
