Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She told me I should be a condom model.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
