I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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