Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
