We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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