it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
