This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
