how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
