This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
