Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
