I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
