It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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