Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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