respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
