I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
