One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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