She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's blow job season.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
