While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
