I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
