1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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