Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
