Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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