So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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