its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
