i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
