You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
