that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
