took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
