i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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