I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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