no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
