I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She's the barista slut.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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