All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
